Monday, November 17, 2008

Those Who Refer to His / Herself Third Personally Ought to Be Put Out to Pisstury

From Literary Kicks:

3. Judith Fitzgerald of Books Inq., responding to an apt appreciation by Billy Collins of a new Dylan publication, says that Leonard Cohen is a better poet than Bob Dylan. Levi Asher says Judith Fitzgerald has got to be kidding. Leonard Cohen wrote "Bird on a Wire" and maybe two other good songs. The album Blood on the Tracks alone outdoes Cohen's entire career. A midget can't play basketball with a giant.

Sorry, wrong numbness. Ain't no album by the name of Blood on the Tracks; plus, Leonard Cohen did not write "Bird on a Wire."

Next stoooopid idfit nitwit snitgit lit-shit posit, SVP? (Line forms on the blight.)
--
Man: [Knocks]
Arguranter: Come in.
M: Ah . . . Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No, you haven't.
A: Yes, I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No, you didn't.
A: Yes, I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You did not!
A: Oh, I'm sorry . . . just one moment. Is this a five-minute argument or the full half-hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear: I quite definitely told you.
M: No, you did not.
A: Yes, I did.
M: No, you didn't.
A: Yes, I did.
M: No, you didn't.
A: Yes, I did.
M: No, you didn't.
A: Yes, I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh, look . . . This isn't an argument.
A: Yes, it is.
M: No, it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No, it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh, you did!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No, it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No, you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No, it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No, it isn't.
M: Yes, it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying "No, it isn't."
A: Yes, it is!
M: No, it isn't!
A: Yes, it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes . . .

A: No, it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now, look.
A: [Rings bell.] Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good Morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is [sic] up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.

A: I'm sorry; but, I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes just now. Oh, come on!

HmmHmmHmm . . .

M: Look: This is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry; but, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: Oh, alright.

A: Thank you.

M: Well?
A: Well, what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes just now.
A: I told you: I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No, you didn't.
M: I DID.
A: No, you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Ah, ha! If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No, you haven't.
M: Yes, I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily; I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh, I've had enough of this.
A: No, you haven't.
M: Oh, shut up.

— "The Argument Sketch," (Monty Python's Previous Record)

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:12 PM

    Great answer ...

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  2. That's it. Good Morning.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous12:54 PM

    Blood on the Tracks is too the name of an album

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous8:06 PM

    is too

    or am i reading wikipedia wrong -- especially where it uses the word "album" repeatedly

    Blood on the Tracks is singer-songwriter Bob Dylan's 15th studio album, released in 1975 by Columbia Records, which marked Dylan's return to Columbia after a two-album stint with Asylum Records.

    The album, which followed several years of lukewarm reception for Dylan's work, was greeted respectably by fans and critics. In the years following its release, it has come to be regarded as one of his very best albums — making it quite common for subsequent records to be labeled his "best since Blood on the Tracks."[1][2][3][4] It is also commonly seen as a standard for confessional singer-songwriter albums; though Dylan has denied that the songs are autobiographical, his son Jakob Dylan has stated: "The songs are my parents talking."[5] Most of the lyrics on the album revolve around heartache, anger, and loneliness. In 2003, the album was ranked number 16 on Rolling Stone magazine's list of the 500 greatest albums of all time.

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  5. Pfft! Wikipedia certainly provides a useful service as well as plethorations of informations; but, sadly, you cannot believe everything you read there; and, although I appreciate your research, I brag to differ:

    No such recorded composition by the name of Blood on the Tracks exists because, aside from the obvious fact the title of an album is always italicised, if you fail to capitalise all first letters of each word in an album's title, you refer to the novel Blood on the Tracks by Thomas Grasty; but, if you capitalise all first letters thusly, Blood On The Tracks, you refer to his Bobitude's album.

    Similarly, the tune "Bird on a Wire" doesn't exist because, aside from the fact it's actually called "Bird On The Wire," the lack of all-capped words in that title refers to the movie (starring Goldie Hawn and Mel Gibson released, IIRC, c. 1990).

    That's both descriptive and prescriptive grammar; there'd be utter chaos if some journalists did not play by the rules (although, even those who cover "Bird On The Wire" flub it, sadly; and, yeah, you can respond by asserting WTF? And, I would respond to your protest by asking you to consider the bedlamia if the rules weren't observed by, at the least, some of the population, particularly the music-journo population, some of the time.

    A full-length recorded composition is always italicised with all words in its title capitalised; a single side is always placed in quotation marks and, to distinguish it from a short story, say, similarly features all caps.

    Now, Anonymous, you will know how literate a given writer is by their ability or inability to distinguish the two items.

    Additionally, for the record (pardoning punishment), with the LC tune, the use of the definite article makes all the difference, especially to LC himself. It isn't just "a" wire, it's "the" wire for several specific reasons upon which, unless you're interested, I shall not eblabborate :).

    And, guess what? I own Blood On The Tracks; and, when I changed from cassettes to CDs, I was pleased to do so partially because I'd worn out Blood On The Tracks, his best album by a country mumble, ISTM. Still spin it, occasionally. Also, I do think he's a brilliant singer-songwriter; but, he will never be, for me, a poet; and, most certainly, not the greatest poet-songwriter to walk the earth. That title belongs to LC in perpetuity.

    (If I had twenty grand, I'd write the book he's already authorised proving he's the singer-songwriting world's contemporary Shakespeare, right across the board [in all genres]. He is maestro numero-uno; unfortunately, I shall take what I know to the grave with me since the Canada Council's literary copper-robber officer, Melanie Rutledge, doesn't consider the work worthy of financial support. Thus, the jury members she selects, allegedly, those who despise yours truly because I didn't praise their book to the nines, always put in an appearance when it comes to works of mine.

    C'est la vie; and, it's a universal phenomenon, hardly unique to Canada; in fact, there's only one literature officer I know who rises above it; and, sadly she retired this year.)

    But, since there's only one hard copy of the ms. and two back-ups on disks, I have already ensured their destruction when I depart the planet permanently.

    TMI? Well, it's a slow night and I'm feeling chatty; if that's alright :).

    BTW, again FTR, the argument that, in this medium, grammar correctivos are lame won't float the gravy boat here; both yourself and Levi cited it several times as Blood on the Tracks.

    Lard knows I make as many typo-glerrors as the next girl since I don't have a spell-checker and do this on the 140-wpm fly between editing assignments, etc; so, anyone who corrects anyone's spelling or grammar is, IMO, no longer beneath my contempt. Not that it matters nor nuttin' . . .

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  6. Anonymous9:24 AM

    hmm...

    let's see Blood on the Tracks
    isn't Blood on the Tracks

    Depends whose citation form and typeface you are using though...
    doesn't it?

    Or doesn't it matter, we can all use what we want...

    or it does matter and we are supposed to use YOUR preferred form... hmmm

    like dialog without quotation marks doesn't matter....<---four periods for an ellipsis! what about that?? <---and two question marks -- but that isn't right and let's disregard it!!!<---oops there I go again!

    and don't use those lowercase letters for your name

    TMI? Well, it's a slow night and I'm feeling chatty; if that's alright :

    as long as you're not tangled up in blue

    or is it

    Tangled up in Blue




    Cite This Source

    Add these citations to your bibliography. Select the text below and then copy and paste it into your document.

    American Psychological Association (APA):
    blood. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved November 21, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blood

    Chicago Manual Style (CMS):
    blood. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blood (accessed: November 21, 2008).

    Modern Language Association (MLA):
    "blood." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 21 Nov. 2008. Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blood.

    Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE):
    Dictionary.com, "blood," in Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Source location: Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blood. Available: http://dictionary.reference.com. Accessed: November 21, 2008.

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  7. Anonymous7:04 PM

    No it's not.

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  8. Listen up, Butter-Cup:

    I don't normally waste my time conversing with anyone who lacks the balls to use their real name; but, for you, I'll make an exception.

    > or it does matter and we are supposed to use YOUR preferred form... hmmm <<

    Wrong. This is most certainly not *my* preferred form; rather, it is the one prescribed in most style manuals and reference works involving correct citations; and, I'm pretty sure those who composed the Style Book for both The Toronto Star and The Globe and Mail weren't interested in tossing red herrings to any reporter / journalist / critic tangled up in blue (or not). I don't make these calls; they're universally accepted protocols (in order to maintain a semblance of coherence in referential / citational terms and / or concerns).

    Think about this logically: If there were no way to differentiate between a song title and a short-story title (or an album title, or a ship's name, or an automobile's make), chaos would rule and nobody would know WTF a given writer meant. "Tangled Up In Blue" is the name of the tune; but, Tangled Up in Blue is the title of a novel while "Tangled Up in Blue" refers to a creative non-fiction short story penned by Lizard "Thug" Figjet in 2006 (which contains the following 'graphs):

    "Ho-Hum . . . Found an extinct human species (Homo neanderthugalensis or subspecies (Homo sapiens neanderthugalensis) I thought had expired during the late PleistoScene Epoch throughout most of Cyberia and the nether regions of LuserDumb deploying middling Paleolimpic tools and pitiful linguistatic deviations, most likely because the dumbskulls are characterised by extreme dolichocephaly, flat retreating foreheads with closed frontal sutures (NTM enormous stupoursillery ridges) . . . The cranial capacity is estimated at about 1,220 cubic centimetres, being about midway between that of the Pissecanbarferruppus deflatus because it was thought to represent a species falling devolutionarily between the smack-cracks of apes and humans . . .Pissicanthrowupus is now classified as Homo explodus and the gaggle-straggle of wretched whinge-wankers missing their marks in BITE formation."

    Later, Figjet concludes:

    "I'd like to stay and play; but, well, this is dullicious dregma and I'm already through with visualising you with duct tape wrapped around your digits. Can I ignore you until you tippy-tappy something hookable with that keyboard which, ISTM, you ought to give a break (preferably over your head)?"

    BTW, got a light?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous9:25 AM

    but anony - mouse is a name...just representative of a small and furry creature...

    so I changed my name now so you can have the recognition so desperately needed for effective communication...

    but how does that recognition come? Is it through meandering single word stylings -- like putting Blood on the Tracks in italics, or seeing blood on the tracks? "Poor bastard, he should have used the tunnel"

    Context is what we are writing 'bout here. If the surrounding context provides that which the word alone is missing we've got it! no need for italic rules.

    so if the sentence is "Blood on the Tracks is an album" -- then my dear the context is all.

    Artists fail because the viewer lack the artist's context (or the art sucks!)

    Is that my failure or the artists? Mine for being dumb, or the artist for being too private in context.

    And anonymity is my friend, ever since I read that Ben Franklin used it all the time!

    So I am torn between Butter Cup and Silas DoGood...

    Or to bring this full circle form the beginning of my post <--- context) how about amos - mouse

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  10. Anonymous10:53 AM

    oops - i didn't change in previous post after all...

    and did that mistake confuse the message?

    ReplyDelete
  11. You know, don't you, there are millions of anonymice? At least, this way, SweetStuff, you distinguish yourself from them; but, the truth is, my aim began and concluded with defending my assertion no such album named Blood on the Tracks (nor tune titled Bird on a Wire) existed.

    It goes without saying you can do whatever you damned well please when it comes to punctuation and citation (and, it would be pretty arrogant of me to demand you follow anyone's rule, don'tcha think?).

    Zoinks! If I could boss peeps around, I think I'd start with something a little more important . . . Erm, I'd insist everyone ditch all their stuff and get nekkid, for example (or, at least, give peace a glance).

    (BTW, I recognise your cyber-voice . . . Keep tapping and I'll prolly be able to name or place it.)

    ReplyDelete