Earlier today, I linked to this piece by Mark Vernon, who is an astute observer in the matters discussed. In It, Mark grounds the discussion — in the way Bach might structure a work around its ground base — on St. Paul, specifically, "when he declared that he no longer lived but Christ lived in him."
St. Paul also advised that we "think on these things." But we can only authentically think on this thing by trying to imagine — or, perhaps worse, actually managing to imagine — what that might be like. Jesus died an unseemly death, the sort most of us would take pains to avoid. Are any of us really sure we would want him to live in us? It could prove rather dangerous. Does not therein lie the mystery of faith. It is, after all, "a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." I don't think people today appreciate that the way of faith is not all sweetness and light.
At the age of 12 I volunteered myself to God -- Do with me what you will. Life went on, and I thought I had trial and tribulations, what with four kids, being a lawyer in a very challenging environment (federal court litigation), starting my own law firm when my former firm had collapsed with three kids and a wife at home, etc. etc. and I knew I was doing the best I could but I never had the peace of knowing God was abiding with me. Then I discovered I was trans, and new challenges arose from that, and events in my past I had buried raised their ugly heads too, and I sure didn't feel God's hand there. As I moved ahead -- having no choice really, suicide was't an option because of my loving wife and kids -- I started to understand some things, and then I started the process of starting a trans clinic in Phila, helping some of the most downtrodden people you will ever meet, and signs happened showing me God's hand and I met people and I am in the middle of what is the most peaceful time of my life, because despite all the suffering I've undergone and I see, I see the Light too and the Light has brought me here and sustains me and brings me the Peace and Joy God promised.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story, Julie. For me, as my prayer life deepens, I find the mystery of being deepens as well, and often it seems quite dark. Happily, I am content to leave it all up to God.
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