and so it goes ...

GARDINER, MT—With the summer tourist season now in full gear, officials at Yellowstone National Park expressed a growing sense of concern and agitation Monday about a competing 3,500-square-mile nature reserve that recently opened directly across the street from their own park ... 

When contacted, Yello-Stone's principal owner Rick Zeller, whose park in Northern Arizona is credited with driving the Grand Canyon into bankruptcy in 2007, stated that he was simply exercising his right as an entrepreneur.

"It's a free country. You can build a park wherever you want," Zeller said. "We're just giving the people what they want—high- elevation alpine lakes, face-painting for the kids from a real Indian, a Continental Divide that'll knock your socks off—and we guarantee you'll see a bald eagle or you get a free soft drink on us. You can't beat that."

It's The Onion Sunday!